Holy Bolshoids...

With the addition of Patrick and Mauricio I've effectively doubled my readership. I'm a big deal now. And as a big deal, I figured I should post something a little more entertaining than the day to day minutia that comes up in my head. I really found Jimmy's post exciting, and so I figured, "Yeah, combat medic is pretty damn exciting, but it doesn't hold a candle to Maildude."

Hold on to your butts, Kids, and get ready for a day in the life.

I woke up this morning, Bosstones blaring out of my iMode. An iMode is a docking station for one's iPod that functions as a clock-radio. You can wake up to any song on your iPod. It's a struggle just to get up, but there's no choices here. You have to get up, you have to keep going.

So I pour myself into the shower and turn it on as hot as it can go. It burns, burns to the point of being mildly uncomfortable, but you have to live with it. I rub the big green bar of Irish Spring all over my body. I pay...special attention...to my delicate parts. Then I get a good lather going on my hands and soap up my scalp.

First blood...I cut myself while I'm shaving my head. It takes...I don't know...5 or six whole seconds to stop bleeding. As the panic fades I look up into the shower head and laugh with pure joy. Another near miss...perhaps I'll live to do it all again tomorrow.

This section has been deleted by the FCC
ducking through the aisle at Von's. It helps that I'm listening to Steppin' Razor by Peter Tosh. It makes you believe you can do anything. I spin around an endcap, narrowly avoiding being spotted by the cashier. Finally, I'm there. The bakery. Like the flashing lightning I make my selection: poppy seed, with plain cream cheese. A man's bagel. I pay, and get back in the car.

At work, the adrenaline takes over. I'm outside myself, watching myself do amazing things, things I never knew my hands could do: folding, stuffing, taping. The mail comes like an endless wave. Resisting it would be resisting the tide, so I flow with it. It comes in, it goes out. All the while there's a steady crackle of office politics in the background. I am immune.

At 4:30 I sit, the demands of the job quelled. I contemplate what to do later, to pass the time. Will I watch a movie? Will I make out? Who knows? Anything goes when you live on the edge.

Here's a picture.

Groundbreaking News!!

Gentlemen...this is the most important day of my life. Actually, August 14, 2007 will be the most important day of my life. That's right. You guessed it. After waiting for so long, Warner Bros. will finally be releasing Kenneth Branaugh's Hamlet out on DVD. This is so friggen sweet.

Here's a picture. Not one from the film, but I thought you'd like it just the same.


This guy heard the call. And I photographed his license plate. He probably doesn't know. Unless the Great Old Ones told him. In which case, I'm fucked. I'm pretty tough, but I can't take Hastur the Unspeakable, He Who Must Not Be Named. Think about that.

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

I feel like Hamlet today. I feel like Hamlet most days. I feel like I'm living in a play, and not one that I entirely enjoy.

That's no way to talk though. You have to keep an upbeat attitude.

Okay, I don't mind being sentimental here, because you, plural, Jimmy and Bricker, are the only ones who look here. I'm going to list 5 things I'm grateful for, and if you want to leave a comment, you have to do the same.

I'm grateful for:
1. My Dogs
2. My friends
3. Jenny
4. A good family
5. Frank Herbert

Wow...those came really easily. I'll let you guys in on something, and I know it'll sound stupid, but I'm in this kind of mood today. When you feel like crap, start thinking of things you're grateful for and it usually goes away pretty quickly. Now that I think of it...That's what Bilbo did in the Hobbit when he was homesick. Holy crap! Tolkien taught me yet another thing! Yes! I'm friggen Jazzed about that.

Okay, well...nothing funny today...that sucks...Oh...Wait...I got one. How many goblins does it take to light a torch?
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Give up?
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As many as possible! Because we'll kill all the goblins in the torchlight and a 50ft. radius beyond! Such is the might of the Dwarves! HA!

I guess that really isn't that funny...Genocide isn't funny..........Psh! Who am I kidding? It's friggen hilarious as long as it isn't us.

So what do you guys think about the LDS guy who's running for office? Also, what do you think about Nathan coming home tomorrow?

Also...what do you think about this picture?



I don't know about you, but I think this dude deserves a kick in the nuts that straddles the border between crippling and lethal. I'm a geek, but I don't photoshop flames and wings into my pictures.

Okay...Thanks for stopping by, Guatemala (I don't end sentences in prepositions, at any cost).

End of the school year.

But I know you're checking to see any updates...Bricker.

So here, take a look at this.

http://picasaweb.google.com/DesertPirate/YeahSheSMyGirl