Another one of those days

Hey Man,

Why am I never happy? I have a good life. I have a job. I have a place to live. My family loves me. I do all right with the ladies. But man, I am not content.

Given the choice between my current life and the chance to be out there with you, being a man, surviving, I'd give it up and take my chances in the wilds. I'd die man. I'm not tough in the ways it takes to survive on your own. But I don't care.

You kept talking about how cold winter is up there. But I'd rather freeze to death that keep feeling this coldness inside Man.

As much as we've talked, I know you've got things going on inside. You want to live, you want experiences and love and all that drives you. But nothing drives me anymore, Man.

I thought it was just the job, grinding my soul down to nothing, but now it just feels like what ever smoldering embers were still inside just puffed out.

I'm unsure of myself, unsure of what I want, unsure of what I should or shouldn't be doing. I really don't even know what I like anymore, Man. I'm talking about every aspect of my life: values, women, activities. I'm in a place where even the slightest bit of discomfort turns me off; whether it's a person, something to do or even a concept.

Let's talk about girls for just one second. For about four years, I put up with what, at heart, I always thought of as unreasonable bullshit. I'd always convince myself that whatever was wrong was at least partially my fault, and that's probably a healthy way to think. Right? Nobody's ever 100% correct, so in any conflict there's definitely room for error both ways. But part of me always felt that the girl was crazy, and exploding for no reason.

I felt like she was always trying to change me. And I didn't want to be changed. I understand change is a good thing, but can't I just be me for a little while? Do I have to always be learning new things? Can I have five minutes to breathe? I feel like I'm still in school. I want to take a break.

I've been thinking about the whole girlfriend thing lately. I want one again. I like having one. I think it just makes me happy that someone, just one person, likes me enough to say "Yeah, you know what, you're a good guy, I think you could fulfill all my needs. We're going to have a good time." Does that make it a self-esteem issue? Or is there just a natural human drive to find a partner? What do you think, Man?

You know, I just want a girl who's laid back and enjoys my company. I want something that's comfortable and perfect, and I don't want to feel like it's a full time job to keep her liking me.

I just feel broken. My heart's broken. My will's broken. My nerves are frayed and my moral compass is shot.

Anyway, I'm sure you're busy, Man. Don't feel like you have to get back to me immediately. Thanks for listening.

Your Friend and Confidant,

Robbery Joe